Weddings are supposed to bring 2 people together as 1. Yet, the whole process splits people apart. As soon as you walk into the church you got to choose sides. I'm rooting for the groom. I hope the groom wins! Oh, here comes the ring bearer. He's on the bride's side. Boo! Hiss! Boo ring bearer!
Depending on the type of ceremony, you got to know the different cheers. Jewish Wedding: Hava nagila, hava nagila, have 2 nagilas they're very small! Catholic Wedding: God to the left, God to the right, up and down God. Snoop Dogg's Catholic Wedding: Give it up for the G-O-double Dizzle!
At the reception, the bride drops back to throw the bouquet and all the girls go long. ALL the single women want it. They fight like jackals for it! The guy throws the garter. All the men back off like it's laced with anthrax! Inevitably, the 7-year-old ring bearer recovers the fumble because he just doesn't know any better.
For a guy, watching your friend get married is like watching Joe Montana's 49ers move up and down the field on the Detroit Lions - any Detroit Lions team. It's brutal! "What are you thinking? Oh, come on! Not the chicken dance with the bride's dad! You're better than this!" Hell, the guy getting married doesn't even want to be there! If a guy could get away with it, he'd already be at the reception getting hammered as his friends relay the signals in from the press box. He'd have a cardboard cut out on the altar, just constantly nodding, waiting for the girl back at the hotel.
While the girls, of course they're a bit mesmerized by the whole Disney like atmosphere, the Super Bowl pageantry. But, when it comes right down to it they'd rather be playing in the big game than watching from the sidelines. They're staring at their girl friend as she walks down that aisle thinking, "How is she getting married before me? How is she getting married before me?"
Finally, at the end the guys are like, "Congratulations! (you poor bastard)"
The girls are like, "Congratulations! (Bitch!)"
Jeff has a few good points. Choosing "sides" for one. If Congress can mix sides, I think we wedding guests can.
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