I got my big screen not that long ago. That's the new thing, right? Got to have a big screen. Soon, I think entire homes will just be one big giant screen. Every inch of bare space filled up with television! Because you can't eat dinner without watching TV. Can't go in the shower without watching TV. Can't be sending a text message while simultaneously typing this Hub article without watching TV.
The other day I was driving to the mall watching TV through the back window of the van in front of me. Whenever I go through intersections, I suddenly realize I'm now on TV being watched by another guy watching TV while I'm watching TV. It's like I don't want somebody watching me watch me while I'm trying to watch them. You know what I mean?
And, of course, you got to have Hi-Def TV. Can't just have Def anymore. No way. Def is out! Don't want to be caught dead with just Def! Actually, it's a little known fact that it's called Hi-Def because the better the picture quality and bigger the screen the higher the likelihood you'll actually go deaf watching it.
I love some of the advertising campaigns for these new TV's. "The picture is so clear you'll feel like you're right in the middle of the action." I don't know. When I'm watching a football game, I don't want to be right in the middle of the action. I don't want to be standing there with the quarterback's hands up my butt, tickling my crotch. No, let's keep that action on the screen. I don't want any part of that action. And really who wants to be in the middle of any action? Hello. That's why I'm on the couch. Watching TV!
Of course, this type of advertising only really applies to sporting events. It doesn't exactly work with news. "Wow, that was great! It felt like I was right in the middle of that double homicide! I'll watch the rest of the news but I'm going to have to get the blood out of my shirt first."
Technology is out of control these days. I was just getting used to the DVD, now all of sudden I have to figure out Blu-ray. It's really getting to the point where they can just put 3 letters together and it'll sound like a new technology:
Tech Nerd: Yo, you get the new CVR?
Me: What's that?
Tech Nerd: Have you heard of DVR? Digital Video Recording? Well, this is CVR - Combustible Video Recording. If someone finds the porn you recorded - the whole system just bursts into flames!
Me: Wow! How much?
